What a whirlwind of a day.
An older woman (and by "older" I mean older than me") came by this afternoon and dropped off a Christmas present for me and Matt. It was a beautiful Christmas plaque with our last name on it. And of course, in light of recent events and feeling particularly unloved, I cried. She knows the situation with the in-laws; she's actually close friends with B but amazingly, she loves us and has always shown her support for Matt and I. She's a very down to earth woman, what you see is what you get, and I appreciate her because she isn't afraid to call "bullshit," "bullshit." She said things today that really stuck with me and caused my wheels to turn. She said, "Jamie, it might be that the Lord is asking you to put yourself in a position where you will get hurt."
Life isn't fair. I can certainly testify to that. The Lord knows I've had a healthy dose of trials in my life. But maybe, just maybe, the Lord DOES want me to subject myself to pain...maybe my pain will bring Him the most glory. Maybe it isn't the pain, necessarily, but my response to it, that can most glorify God. I was humbly reminded today that this life isn't about me. This marriage isn't about me. This trial isn't about me. I can't focus on the pain. I can't focus on how I've been wronged. The in-laws may never like me. They may go to their graves despising me, I don't know. But I can't let that keep me from obedience. My friend also told me today that it appears that there is a small door of reconciliation that we should not only open, but walk through. It reminded me of what our pre marital counselors said, "if God is providing a way of reconciliation, you must do your part and be obedient." Regardless of what I think the outcome will be, regardless of how right I think I am in saying that D will just continue this torturous cycle...the Lord isn't asking me to predict the future, He's asking for my obedience.
Yes, Lord. I hear you. I will be obedient. I will do my part.
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