So, I'm two days late...bear with me.
Valentine's Day. What do you think of? Me? I think of cliche chocolates, cheesy Hallmark greetings, mediocre roses, or soon-to-be-forgotten teddy bears. I don't think of love. I think of obligation, guilt, stress. Matt and I typically don't celebrate Valentine's Day. Both of us see it as a commercialized stagnant holiday and genuinely expect nothing from the other. This year, however, I made Matt a homemade card and a homemade gift. He had no idea I was doing it and I purposefully kept it a secret because I didn't want him to feel obligated to buy me anything. I truly just wanted to express my love in a creative, genuine way. We had a lovely Valentine's Day...nothing set it apart from any other Tuesday...except the delicious cocktails he made me.
I'm in three weddings between now and May (and that's not counting my role as bridesmaid in December either). Love is in the air. Something's in the water. Yada, yada, yada. But all of it brings to memory the joy of my own wedding day. The excitement. The anticipation. The enormity of the lifelong commitment I was making. I remember the tears Matt cried when he first saw me. How even though I was surrounded by people, he was the only person I saw. Tunnel vision, if you will. My rainbow after the rain. My wish come true. And I remember thinking on that day, "how can it get any better?" My love, my adoration, my trust, my commitment to this man culminated on September 18, 2010, the day we became...we.
18 months later and you know what I'm thinking? How in the world can it get any better? I am so in love with my husband, so completely and utterly captivated by this man. He has stolen my heart in the sweetest of ways. And when I look back on my wedding day and how exciting and "twitterpated" we both were...it doesn't compare to where we are now. Our love is deeper, stronger, firmly planted, and shooting forth like a springtime garden. And it thrills and excites me to no end, wondering where we'll be in five, ten years. I'm not ignorant ( I work for a divorce attorney). I understand the complications that will arise. But I know without a doubt that if we keep striving to love the Lord, we will naturally strive to love each other.
"This is love, not that we loved Him but that He first loved us." My example is Christ. "Let us look to the Author and Perfecter of our faith." The more I understand the grace of God, the more I love my husband, the more I see how undeserving I am of such a love. I am a wretch, and oh, how the Lord knows it. I don't deserve this beautiful home, a cute puppy, even food on the table. All of these things are gifts from God...gifts. We are able to afford the above because of the gift of Matt's job. Not on our own merit, not because we "earned" these things, but because the Lord saw fit for us to have them. God's grace is so beautiful and if all He did was portray His grace on the cross, that would be enough. But He goes further, He gives not just life, but "abundant life." The more I undertand grace, the more I realize I have nothing to say. I am Job. "Shall I attempt so speak?" I'm overwhelmed with gratitude...not just because of His grace...but because BY His grace my eyes are more open to His truths. I can honestly look back on my life...even on just the last few months...and I see specifically where the Lord has exposed hidden (and not so hidden) sins. I can see growth. I can see His hand on my life and I praise God for His faithfulness to me.
I understand that some people don't have jobs. Some people don't have family or friends who love them. Some Christians don't even know when they'll have their next meal. But that doesn't mean Christ's grace isn't as loudly proclaimed as it is in mine. The fact that we breathe, that we exist, is enough evidence of God's grace. And for those hurting, for those confused, scared, unsure...the Lord knows where you are. In fact, He sovereignly appointed you there...right now...at this time. And He has a reason. You may not see or understand it, but He does. Do you trust Him? Do you take Him at His word? Proclaim the glory and grace of God and rejoice in your time of suffering. This life is temporal. And that's grace, too. Aren't you relieved you don't have to live in this world forever?
I'm rambling, I know, but the topic of grace is like a flashing neon light in my life at the moment.
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