I'm struggling a lot right now. A significant part of me never wants to hear from or see my father-in-law ever again. Actually, erase that. Everything within me never wants to hear from or see my father-in-law ever again. I can write books about the harm he's caused, the lies he's told, the unbiblical view of grace and forgiveness he lives and teaches but I won't. He isn't worth the amount of time and frustration. Jesus commands me to love my enemies and pray for those who persecute me...so I will love him by praying for him. And I won't pray for anything specific or ask God to reveal to him what I think he needs to see...I will simply pray for his walk with the Lord. The Lord knows best. The Lord knows better than I what this man needs to see.
But dear God, haven't I done everything I can? Yes, I can honestly stand before you with a pure heart and a clean conscience. I have done everything within my power to have godly reconciliation. But still this man persists. Still this man causes pain and frustration beyond anything I've experienced and the most painful and frustrating part is that he does it all in Your name. I want nothing to do with him, Lord. Nothing whatsoever. Thank you for keeping me calm and allowing Your Spirit to keep my sinful nature at bay, for keeping my anger in check. I know it is purely by your grace, Lord. I certainly am not this calm on my own power. But honestly, Lord? Please, please, please...I don't ever want to see him or hear from him again.
Today is my husband's birthday. Happy birthday, my love.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Throne Usurpers
I'm currently reading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. If you haven't read it, I strongly encourage you to. I haven't finished yet and that's because Chan usually gives some homework before he wants you to read further. His latest challenge was to read the four gospels and see with unfiltered eyes the high calling of Jesus.
I just finished Luke last night and it was...mind blowing. Even though I've read the gospels probably hundreds of times in my lifetime, I truly felt like I was reading Luke for the first time. I partially think it has something to do with the fact Luke was a doctor and therefore used more descriptives, not just in the physical sense but also emotionally. I felt more of the humanity of Jesus, His compassion, His anguish, His joy. And with everything I've experienced the last few years of my life, the words were more alive, more meaningful.
My largest soapbox is the issue of forgiveness. I've written essays, journal entries, blog entries, and had numerous conversations related to the topic. One of the passages that really struck me this time around was Luke 17:3,4. Now other gospels record this a bit differently and you're probably familiar with it too. Here'a paraphrase: "Lord, how often should I forgive? Up to seven times? And Jesus replies, "No, up to seventy times seven times." In essence, Jesus is saying you must always forgive. But here's how Luke writes it (taken from the ESV): "Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' you must forgive him."
There are several noteworthy things here:
1) When Jesus says "if your brother sins against you," He means sin. Sin as in you better have a chapter and verse labeling the offense as sin and make sure that the offense is not just a violation of your personal preference. There is a BIG difference. A violation of one's personal preference is not necessarily sin so be careful when you are "rebuking" your brother.
2) Even if a person continually screws up and continually repents, Jesus commands us to forgive him. We cannot judge a man's heart. That is only God's doing. We can't say to a person, "Well, if you were really sorry then you wouldn't do it anymore" because then we make our forgiveness conditional: If you stop doing this, then I will forgive you. But that's not what Jesus is saying. Jesus is saying we must always forgive. That is our part. Our part is to forgive, GOD's part is to judge the heart.
A few chapters later, Jesus foretells Peter's denial. Luke 22:31,32 "Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like what, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers." These verses nearly brought me to tears. Jesus told Peter before, "Peter, on this rock I shall build my church and the gates of hell will not prevail over it." And now we see Jesus foretelling this "rock", His friend, that he will deny Jesus three times. But here's what is so lovely. Jesus said, "but I have prayed for you, Peter, that your faith will not fail. You will deny me as your friend and as your God and when the rooster crows, we will make eye contact. You will see my pain and I will see yours but Peter, I know you will repent. You will have remorse for what you've done and once our relationship is restored, you will strengthen your brothers for you, Peter, are my rock and on this rock I will build my church and not even the gates of hell will ever overcome it."
And sure enough, Peter denies Jesus three times, they make eye contact while the rooster crows (v51), Jesus is crucified, buried and three days later his empty grave is discovered by some women. They tell the disciples what the angel told them but they didn't believe. Except Peter..."Peter rose and ran to the tomb" (24:12). Can you imagine Peter's joy? Peter's relief? "Maybe it's not too late," he might've thought. "Maybe I can make things right with him again!" And sure enough, the gospel of John beautifully describes the restoration of their relationship. Jesus had already forgiven Him, as Jesus has already forgiven us all our sins, but that is why confession is important. It isn't for the Lord's benefit, it's for ours. And once we confess, "he is faithful and just to forgive us of all our sins and to cleans us from all unrighteousness."
Isn't it beautiful? Isn't it mind-numbing, that Jesus Christ, the God of the universe, has forgiven us our sins. And who do we think we are, holding forgiveness hostage from others? When we refuse to forgive, we kick God off His throne, essentially saying, "I am a better fit to rule than you, God." Furthermore, our refusal to forgive turns Christ's death into a mockery and our "faith" becomes meaningless.
Forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive as the Lord has forgiven you.
I just finished Luke last night and it was...mind blowing. Even though I've read the gospels probably hundreds of times in my lifetime, I truly felt like I was reading Luke for the first time. I partially think it has something to do with the fact Luke was a doctor and therefore used more descriptives, not just in the physical sense but also emotionally. I felt more of the humanity of Jesus, His compassion, His anguish, His joy. And with everything I've experienced the last few years of my life, the words were more alive, more meaningful.
My largest soapbox is the issue of forgiveness. I've written essays, journal entries, blog entries, and had numerous conversations related to the topic. One of the passages that really struck me this time around was Luke 17:3,4. Now other gospels record this a bit differently and you're probably familiar with it too. Here'a paraphrase: "Lord, how often should I forgive? Up to seven times? And Jesus replies, "No, up to seventy times seven times." In essence, Jesus is saying you must always forgive. But here's how Luke writes it (taken from the ESV): "Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' you must forgive him."
There are several noteworthy things here:
1) When Jesus says "if your brother sins against you," He means sin. Sin as in you better have a chapter and verse labeling the offense as sin and make sure that the offense is not just a violation of your personal preference. There is a BIG difference. A violation of one's personal preference is not necessarily sin so be careful when you are "rebuking" your brother.
2) Even if a person continually screws up and continually repents, Jesus commands us to forgive him. We cannot judge a man's heart. That is only God's doing. We can't say to a person, "Well, if you were really sorry then you wouldn't do it anymore" because then we make our forgiveness conditional: If you stop doing this, then I will forgive you. But that's not what Jesus is saying. Jesus is saying we must always forgive. That is our part. Our part is to forgive, GOD's part is to judge the heart.
A few chapters later, Jesus foretells Peter's denial. Luke 22:31,32 "Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like what, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers." These verses nearly brought me to tears. Jesus told Peter before, "Peter, on this rock I shall build my church and the gates of hell will not prevail over it." And now we see Jesus foretelling this "rock", His friend, that he will deny Jesus three times. But here's what is so lovely. Jesus said, "but I have prayed for you, Peter, that your faith will not fail. You will deny me as your friend and as your God and when the rooster crows, we will make eye contact. You will see my pain and I will see yours but Peter, I know you will repent. You will have remorse for what you've done and once our relationship is restored, you will strengthen your brothers for you, Peter, are my rock and on this rock I will build my church and not even the gates of hell will ever overcome it."
And sure enough, Peter denies Jesus three times, they make eye contact while the rooster crows (v51), Jesus is crucified, buried and three days later his empty grave is discovered by some women. They tell the disciples what the angel told them but they didn't believe. Except Peter..."Peter rose and ran to the tomb" (24:12). Can you imagine Peter's joy? Peter's relief? "Maybe it's not too late," he might've thought. "Maybe I can make things right with him again!" And sure enough, the gospel of John beautifully describes the restoration of their relationship. Jesus had already forgiven Him, as Jesus has already forgiven us all our sins, but that is why confession is important. It isn't for the Lord's benefit, it's for ours. And once we confess, "he is faithful and just to forgive us of all our sins and to cleans us from all unrighteousness."
Isn't it beautiful? Isn't it mind-numbing, that Jesus Christ, the God of the universe, has forgiven us our sins. And who do we think we are, holding forgiveness hostage from others? When we refuse to forgive, we kick God off His throne, essentially saying, "I am a better fit to rule than you, God." Furthermore, our refusal to forgive turns Christ's death into a mockery and our "faith" becomes meaningless.
Forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive as the Lord has forgiven you.
Monday, May 2, 2011
May 1, 2011
I was watching Dateline on NBC. Mark Lauer was doing a special on Steven Tyler and since I am a Liv Tyler and American Idol fan (and also because my husband is obsessed with anything rock) I decided to watch/record it. The program was interrupted by "breaking news" and I eagerly awaited the President's announcement. Before he was able to make it, however, it was confirmed that Osama Bin Laden had been killed. I woke up my sleeping husband and said, "babe! Osama bin Laden is dead!" My mind returned to the day of September 11. I remembered where I was, who I was with, how we kept the radio on the whole period during U.S. History and watched the news during Biology. I remembered watching video clips of people jumping to their deaths out of the Twin Towers and I remember watching live the plane hit the second building. It all seemed so surreal. This was America. This wasn't supposed to happen. Thousands of lives were lost, thousands more affected by that single day that will forever mark our nation's history as one of the worst we as nation have ever experienced. And it boiled down to one man. Osama Bin Laden. Nearly a decade later, God brought him to justice. And only God knows what's in store in the near future.
Like most people, I have a facebook account. I was infuriated by the number of posts stating that we should "mourn" for the death of this man because he wasn't a Christian. Not only were they upset because other people were rejoicing, some of them went a step further and questioned my faith as a Christian...now THAT infuriated me. I even went to bed upset and had to pray that the Lord would calm my spirit. Today, however, Dr. Will Varner wrote, in my opinion, the perfect response surrounding yesterday's historic events.
http://networkedblogs.com/hmtiG
Please take the time to read it. He sums it up perfectly.
And that's all I will say about Osama bin Laden.
Like most people, I have a facebook account. I was infuriated by the number of posts stating that we should "mourn" for the death of this man because he wasn't a Christian. Not only were they upset because other people were rejoicing, some of them went a step further and questioned my faith as a Christian...now THAT infuriated me. I even went to bed upset and had to pray that the Lord would calm my spirit. Today, however, Dr. Will Varner wrote, in my opinion, the perfect response surrounding yesterday's historic events.
http://networkedblogs.com/hmtiG
Please take the time to read it. He sums it up perfectly.
And that's all I will say about Osama bin Laden.
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