I'm struggling a lot right now. A significant part of me never wants to hear from or see my father-in-law ever again. Actually, erase that. Everything within me never wants to hear from or see my father-in-law ever again. I can write books about the harm he's caused, the lies he's told, the unbiblical view of grace and forgiveness he lives and teaches but I won't. He isn't worth the amount of time and frustration. Jesus commands me to love my enemies and pray for those who persecute me...so I will love him by praying for him. And I won't pray for anything specific or ask God to reveal to him what I think he needs to see...I will simply pray for his walk with the Lord. The Lord knows best. The Lord knows better than I what this man needs to see.
But dear God, haven't I done everything I can? Yes, I can honestly stand before you with a pure heart and a clean conscience. I have done everything within my power to have godly reconciliation. But still this man persists. Still this man causes pain and frustration beyond anything I've experienced and the most painful and frustrating part is that he does it all in Your name. I want nothing to do with him, Lord. Nothing whatsoever. Thank you for keeping me calm and allowing Your Spirit to keep my sinful nature at bay, for keeping my anger in check. I know it is purely by your grace, Lord. I certainly am not this calm on my own power. But honestly, Lord? Please, please, please...I don't ever want to see him or hear from him again.
Today is my husband's birthday. Happy birthday, my love.
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